Merle Read online

  Monsters aren’t always the obvious ones.

  Merle isn’t the wolf he was before, and who could blame him? He was sold to the labs, then Tom, Alpha Erskine’s second, kidnapped and tortured him, leaving him for dead. Merle’s body has been healed, but his mind hasn’t, and he’s struggling with everyday life and nightmares. Add to that an overbearing mother, and his life is a mess.

  Nootaw left his wendigo tribe a year before, but even though he hasn’t hurt anyone since then, people still regard him with fear and disgust. Not even moving to Gillham changed that, but he’s use to it by now. When Nootaw is asked to help find Merle, he doesn’t expect Merle to take a sniff at him and tell him they’re mates. Nootaw isn’t sure what to do with Merle, because everyone knows wendigoes don’t have mates.

  Merle insists on giving Nootaw a chance, even though he might lose his mother over it. Then Nootaw disappears, reappearing with someone Merle hadn’t expected. Will Merle be able to leave his nightmares behind and be the man Nootaw needs him to be? And will Nootaw manage to get used to a life he’d never thought he could have?

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  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Merle

  Copyright © 2016 Catherine Lievens

  ISBN: 978-1-4874-0685-1

  Cover art by Latrisha Waters

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher.

  Published by eXtasy Books Inc or

  Devine Destinies, an imprint of eXtasy Books Inc

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  Merle

  Gillham Pack Book Ten

  By

  Catherine Lievens

  Chapter One

  Merle jerked up in his bed and looked around the room. He recognized it, knew it was his, but that didn’t help reduce the fear that made his heart beat so fast and hard.

  He clutched at his sheet even though he was too warm and sweaty, but it didn’t help. He still wanted to run away from his mind, from the nightmares that haunted him.

  Merle pushed the sheet away and didn’t bother putting on clean clothes. He hurried to the back door, praying his mother wouldn’t hear him, and exited the house. He stood on the porch and tried to breathe, but even outside, he could still feel the panic crawling under his skin, making him want to run as far and fast as he could.

  He pulled his T-shirt and the briefs he’d worn to bed off and threw them on the floor. He shifted, needing to be free, to be able to run and forget.

  Merle launched himself down the porch and ran. He didn’t know for how long, but he made sure he stayed in pack territory. The last thing he wanted was to be captured again, to be tortured like he’d been so recently.

  He stayed away from the houses and the people sleeping in them. The only sounds around him were the ones of the night—owls, small animals scurrying around the woods. Merle lost himself to his wolf and pushed away his humanity. It was the easiest way to forget, and sometimes he wished he could just become his wolf.

  He didn’t do that only because of his family. His mother would be distraught, and it was the last thing Merle wanted. She’d already suffered so much when he’d been sold, then when Tom had taken him. Merle could see the fear in her eyes every time he left the house, the relief every time he came back safe.

  Merle slowed down, then stopped. He was breathless and his legs felt like jelly, but he’d finally managed to forget, at least for now. Not that the thoughts of what he’d been through ever left him, but they were easier to ignore when he was very tired.

  He looked around and tried to understand where he was. He usually had a good grip on where in the woods he ended up, but this time, whether for the fear he’d felt or something else, he had no idea.

  Merle could smell familiar scents, though, so he knew he wasn’t too far away. He knew he still was in pack territory, and that was the only thing that mattered right now. He wouldn’t be taken if he stayed there, so he sat down, then went down onto his belly.

  The cool forest ground felt nice, not as soft as Merle’s bed would be, but enough for him to relax. He could still hear the rush of blood in his ears, but it slowly calmed down and left Merle feeling sleepy. He knew he should get up and go back home, but he didn’t want to yet.

  He blinked at the trees in front of him and his eyes slowly closed. He sighed and felt himself drift into sleep, promising himself he’d get up in a few minutes.

  Something poked at Merle’s nose and he wrinkled it. “Hey, wake up. I need to know if you’re the wolf I’m looking for or if you’re going to try to eat my face.”

  Merle didn’t want to wake up. He liked the place he was in right now, all sleepy and carefree, and he wanted to stay there for as long as he could.

  Another poke. “Merle? Is that you or not?”

  Merle wrinkled his nose again. He wanted whoever was bugging him to go away, so he curled up tighter and stuck his nose against his hind leg. Someone chuckled and walked closer. There was a soft touch on Merle’s head. “I think we can safely say it’s him.”

  Merle recognized that voice. It belonged to Craig, the man who was supposed to train Merle to become a soldier for his pack. Supposed to, because Merle had never gone back to training after he’d been taken the second time.

  Merle didn’t want to see him. He didn’t want to see the worry and disappointment on yet another face, so he kept his eyes closed tightly, even when Craig stroked between his eyes and Merle wanted to expose his chin to be scratched there.

  “I’ll call Kameron, then,” the other voice replied. The man walked away, his steps scrunching against the forest ground.

  “What are you doing out here, Wolfy?” Craig asked gently.

  Merle huffed and untucked himself. He stretched out and Craig moved away to give him space. Merle yawned and sighed. He wasn’t tired anymore, and from the light, he could tell it was late, probably around midday. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep in the forest, and he knew his mom was probably going crazy with worry.

  He blinked at Craig, and Craig reached out to stroke his head again. “Your family is fine. They’re worried, but Nootaw is calling Kameron right now, so they’ll know you’re safe.”

  Merle sighed and put his jaw on his paws. He looked at Craig, wondering what the man was thinking. He didn’t look angry, but concerned. Had he been worried?

  Merle snorted, and Craig raised a brow in question. Merle shook his head. Of course Craig had been worried. The man loved all his recruits like sons and daughters, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. Merle knew he was worried about him not coming back to train, but he’d never pushed, never had even asked why. He’d just made sure Merle knew he was there if Merle needed to talk, but he hadn’t taken that opportunity yet.

  Maybe he should, because he knew he couldn’t go on like this. He’d had enough of nightmares and fear, and he knew they wouldn’t disappear on their own. The best thing would be to talk w
ith Gentry, but he was with Arlen, and Arlen was one of Merle’s friends. It made things a bit awkward.

  Craig would be safe, though. He wouldn’t look down at Merle, wouldn’t try to make him do things he didn’t feel like doing.

  Footsteps came close again and Merle looked up at the man who’d poked his nose. Merle knew Nootaw through what his friends had told him. He was a wendigo shifter, and he worked with the enforcers. Merle also knew Nootaw sometimes trained with Craig, because a lot of people, including some enforcers, were afraid of him or just plain mean because of what he was.

  Nootaw crouched next to Craig. “Kameron told his parents he was fine. He said to come back as soon as possible, but without rushing the wolf.”

  Merle rolled his eyes. Nootaw obviously wasn’t used to being around shifters yet, or he’d have known not to talk about Merle like he wasn’t there or like he couldn’t understand what Nootaw was saying.

  “The wolf has a name, Nootaw,” Craig scolded.

  Merle looked at Nootaw, but he couldn’t read the man’s expression. Still, he didn’t look as dangerous as Merle had thought he would. He’d expected a savage, maybe someone who grunted more than he talked, but Nootaw looked absolutely normal.

  “I know.”

  “Then use it,” Craig snapped. “He’s as human as you and I are.”

  Nootaw cocked his head. “I’m not human.”

  Craig sighed. “You know what I meant.”

  Nootaw nodded once. “Yes. I’m sorry.”

  “You should say that to Merle.”

  Nootaw looked at Merle. Merle didn’t like being so much lower than him. It gave him the creeps, even though he had nothing against Nootaw, so he pushed on his paws and got up. He must have calculated the distance between them wrong, or maybe Nootaw had moved forward. Merle’s muzzle skimmed Nootaw’s naked arm as he rose and his nose twitched.

  Nootaw was sweaty and smelled of man and something primordial Merle had never smelled before. Maybe it was because Nootaw was a wendigo, but Merle couldn’t have cared less at the moment. His wolf acted on instinct and surged forward, closing the distance between them and Nootaw.

  Nootaw didn’t even react. He didn’t move backward, didn’t recoil in fear, and he let Merle bury his nose against his neck.

  The scent of mate assaulted Merle’s senses.

  * * * *

  The wolf’s—Merle’s—nose was cool and wet, but Nootaw didn’t try to move away. He didn’t know what was happening, but Merle wasn’t threatening, and he wasn’t doing anything but smelling Nootaw. Nootaw had nothing against that. He knew what the sense of smell meant for shifters, maybe more than any other kind of shifters. He was a wendigo after all, and his olfactory sense was even more developed than a normal shifter’s was.

  As he waited for Merle to stop sniffing him, his gaze met Craig’s. Craig had a thoughtful expression on his face, but he didn’t look worried. Merle finally moved away, and to Nootaw’s surprise, he shifted.

  As soon as he was in human form, he plastered his naked body against Nootaw’s front and pressed his nose against his neck again. Nootaw glanced at Craig, looking for an answer, but instead of the thoughtful expression he’d had just seconds before, Craig was beaming.

  Nootaw frowned. Nothing worth a smile that big had happened in the last few seconds, but then he was the last person to understand how human beings actually worked. He knew they didn’t usually shift emotions this fast, but how could he be sure? Humans were weird creatures, creatures Nootaw didn’t always understand.

  He stood still, his arms hanging by his sides, until Merle finally leaned away. He didn’t actually step backward, though. He stayed plastered against Nootaw and moved his head only enough that he could look up.

  Nootaw looked down and their gazes locked. He waited for Merle to say something, but the wolf shifter stayed silent. It made Nootaw want to move, and he tightened his hands into fists.

  “He’s your mate?” Craig asked.

  Nootaw snapped his head toward the man. He knew he’d heard that right, but could he really be Merle’s mate? He was a wendigo. They didn’t have mates.

  But Merle nodded, his chin brushing Nootaw’s chest. Nootaw pressed his lips together because he didn’t want to gape, but he couldn’t believe it. He knew wendigoes could find a mate, of course. His brother Chogan was proof of that. But Nootaw wasn’t Chogan, far from it. He didn’t deserve a mate. He didn’t deserve someone who cared for him more than his brother did. He didn’t deserve love, not after what he’d done.

  Nootaw put his hands on Merle’s arms and pushed him away as gently as he could. “We should go.”

  Merle frowned. “But... you’re a shifter. Don’t you feel it? Don’t you know I’m your mate?”

  Nootaw shook his head and moved away. He was surprised to feel like it was one of the hardest things he’d ever done, but he managed. He checked the forest around them, just in case. Not that he expected anything or anyone to find them. The creature was gone, and the security on the borders of pack territory had been reinforced to the point that no one would be able to come through without being seen. It really was just an excuse to put some distance between him and Merle.

  “Why?” Merle asked.

  “You know he’s a wendigo shifter?” Craig said.

  “Yeah.”

  “Wendigoes don’t have mates, much like humans. He can’t tell what he is to you.”

  “Oh.”

  “Maybe you should shift to go back. It’ll be more comfortable for you.”

  “But...”

  Nootaw risked a glance in Merle’s direction. Merle looked completely lost. Craig had a hand on his shoulder and was talking to him in a low voice, but it didn’t seem to be helping, and fuck, Nootaw wanted to go there and explain Merle wasn’t the problem. Nootaw was.

  It wasn’t the right place and the right time, though, but Nootaw still walked closer. Merle looked up, his eyes huge, and Nootaw swallowed. “We’ll talk later today, or tomorrow. Right now, we need to get you home to your parents. They’re very worried.”

  Merle opened his mouth to talk, but Craig patted his shoulder. “He’s right. You’re probably hungry, and I’m sure you’ll want to shower and dress. This conversation can wait a few hours. We’ll take you home so you can reassure your mother and eat something. I’m sure you can see Nootaw later.”

  Craig’s expression as he looked at Nootaw made it obvious that Nootaw had better agree with Craig’s plan, so Nootaw nodded. “I’ll see you this afternoon.”

  Merle finally nodded. “Fine. I’ll shift back and go home.”

  “Are you going to walk with us or go ahead?” Craig asked.

  “I’ll go ahead so you two can go to Kameron’s house and report that I was a good little wolf and went home.”

  Merle’s tone was snappy, and Nootaw wasn’t sure he understood why. He thought about what had just happened. Maybe it was the fact that Nootaw didn’t want to talk to him just yet? Didn’t Merle understand why Nootaw didn’t?

  Before Nootaw could ask what was going on, Merle shifted and trotted away without a second glance. Nootaw cocked his head, puzzled, and looked at the wolf until it disappeared from sight. Craig sighed and put a hand on Nootaw’s shoulder. “You’re not gonna have it easy with him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Craig squeezed Nootaw’s shoulder and let his hand fall. “Let’s head back. We’ll talk as we walk.”

  Nootaw nodded and followed Craig as he started walking toward the alpha’s house. Craig didn’t start talking right away, but Nootaw didn’t push. He already had so many things to think about, and he was slightly confused and unsure about what to do.

  “You know what happened to Merle?”

  “Only that he was hurt recently.” Nootaw didn’t gossip. He wouldn’t be able to even if he wanted to, because most people made sure to stay away from him as much as they could. He didn’t blame them and respected their need, thoug
h it made for a lonely life. The only shifter who didn’t seem to have problems with him was Angelo, but he wasn’t even in Gillham at the moment, so Nootaw really was on his own.

  “Yeah, well, that’s really only a part of what happened. Merle was sold by his old alpha some years ago. He spent some time in a lab. You know what I’m talking about, right?”

  “Yes.” Even he knew about the Glass Research Company. Every shifter probably did by now.

  “He was rescued from the lab along with the other wolves who’d been sold with him. He decided he never wanted to be that vulnerable again and worked hard. He’s a very good student.” Craig paused. “Or rather he was. He hasn’t come to train with me and the other recruits since he was kidnapped the second time.”

  “Second time?”

  “That’s when he was hurt. The old alpha had seconds, and one of those took Merle again, when he was in town. He tortured him and left him for dead at the border of pack territory, as a message to Kameron. Merle was healed almost right away, but after what he’s been through—well, he’s not doing so good.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re telling me this.”

  Craig looked sideways at Nootaw. “I’m telling you this because you’re his mate, and mates are the most important things for most shifters. You’re going to have to support him as well as you can, and it’s not going to be easy. I wanted you to know what you were getting into.”

  “You’re thinking I’m going to want to mate with him,” Nootaw declared.

  Craig stopped. Nootaw turned to look at him. “You don’t?” Craig asked, his eyes narrowed.

  “I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

  “Why not?”

  Nootaw cocked his head. “You know what I am.”

  “So?”

  “So why would Merle want me?”

  “Because you’re his mate. You should give him a chance. He’s going to give you one.”